I wish people would stop making animated videos where they've pasted their own picture onto the head of said animated figure so they can (Oh, how silly it is!) watch themselves "dance" stupidly as an elf of a leprechaun or...whatever. 

It's not funny. It's not clever. It's just dumb. I hate those stupid things. 

Hate, I say. 

The weather's gorgeous. How are you?

Dear Consumers, 

Fuck you. 

Oh, I'm sorry. Was that too harsh? Tough shit. I thought I'd just handle you with the same amount of respect you show your retail and fast food workers. Yes, I know the "customer is always right." Having working in retail all my life, I've gotten my fair share of how "right" you can be. I understand that sometimes we, the lowly and barely important workers, are stupid, bossy, forgetful, or just plain rude. But, we're also human beings. Sometimes we're tired, stressed, sick, hungry, broke, etc. Though this is never an excuse for poor work ethic, we are still working hard just to make ends meet. And it does not give you the right to treat us like dog shit on the bottom of your shoe. 

Tonight, I saw one of  you consumers yell at poor Juan at the McDonalds at North and Wells. I, being a consumer myself at the time, found Juan to be perfectly nice and efficient when taking and filling my order. I was grateful for him and the greasy food I was served, so I could get myself all energized to deal with an evening of answering customers' idiotic and sometimes rant-filled phone calls after spending an entire morning listening to and picking up after other people's barking dogs. 

But...not everyone appreciated Juan. See, one of you older fellows waltzed into the McDonalds and ordered a cup of coffee. No harm done.Until you yelled at Juan for no reason. Juan, doing his job and probably what his manager instructed him to do, poored coffee into a cup from a coffee pot that was sitting on top of the machine. 

"DON'T PUT THAT IN THERE!" your representative shrieked.
Juan was confused. "...s-sorry?"
"DON'T PUT THAT OLD COFFEE IN THERE, BOY!"

Juan looked forlorn and taken aback. He set down the pot and went to fill my order while your coffee brewed. Yes, you had to wait. And, I imagine, if you could have heard what was going on in Juan's head, you would have heard every curse word he knows. 

Why are you people such (Again, I'm going to show the same amount of maturity and respect you show us) cock licking, monkey fucking, shit eating, cunt-faced, sons and daughters of fucks?! Have you ever had these jobs?! You want fresh coffee? Ask for it NICELY! I'm not excusing all  retail workers. Some of them are huge dicks. But, when someone is just doing their job and you yell at them for no reason, when someone tells you that it is out of their control you will have to speak with a manager, calm the fuck down and deal with it! 

There is such a hierarchy in this society and I think it is complete bullshit. The person who serves you food, sells you shoes, rings up your groceries, or walks your dog is just as important to society as the person who signs your checks or even runs your government. We're just trying to get by on what little amount of money that we make so we can go on to do bigger and "better" things. Your waiter may be an Oscar winner one day. And, if we weren't around, you wouldn't be getting your shitty food or products.

Show some respect and start acting like fucking human beings! We're all the same, you shits.

Sincerely, 

A poor

I'd like to say that it is confirmed I've found my place in life. At least, if you are considering the people that surround me. There are good ideas, GREAT IDEAS, a-brewin'. I can't say much, other than there is a van involved. And mom jeans. 

You'll love it. Trust me.

Also...when you're drinking at a bar, and a guy comes pops up unexpectedly like, according to his own sense of humor, "Aladdin," improvising your way into and out of conversation is the only way to go. Tonight, Jessie, Sarah, and I were greeting card writers who have cornered the puppy market. Tomorrow? You tell me.

Lastly...as I digest cheese bagel (Yum.) I will watch The Goonies, as opposed to E! The Goonies is on TBS right now and, I am amazed at how the Goonies Sean Astin vs.  the Lord of the Rings Sean Astin are pretty much interchangable. God bless a lug who can remain loveable through and past puberty. If Mikey Walsh OR Samwise Gamgee came along to be my travel partner on any endeavor, I'd been more grateful than I could ever express.

Nighty night, friends, and "...never say 'die'"

This is an open letter to the Credit Services Department at the Swedish Covenant Hospital where, according to them, "technology changes, compassion does not."

Yes, I called several weeks ago regarding my hospital bill from January when I was was admitted because I'd spent the better part of my Friday night vomiting out everything I'd consumed in the past twenty years or so. I said to the lady on the phone, "I'd like to know if I qualify for any assistance in paying this bill. I'm an actor, and I work two jobs just so I can pay $500 a month in rent. (Which is so cheap compared to most places.)" The woman on the phone asked me how much I made. I gave her an estimate and, just so you're aware, it would take about two and a half months of pay from both of my jobs to cover these medical bills in one swoop. And that's if I'm bold enough to decide that eating and shelter just aren't my thing. She told me that she didn't think I qualified, but we could set up a payment plan as low as $30 a month and she'd go ahead and send me the paperwork to fill out if I "want to try that."

Really?! Well, thanks for humoring me, but it's the darndest thing...I've received no paperwork. All that's come through the mail from your hospital to me since I made that call was another bill. This time for the doctor, Casey O'Toole, that I saw once the entire night. He felt my glands, asked how I was feeling, said I had a nice name (Ha, bloody, ha, O'Toole.), and then he left. If I passed the man on the street, I wouldn't recognize him, so it's only fair that he gets $500 of my hard-earned dollars for that BS, right? 

Wrong. Where's all this damned "compassion" you boast about? Send me my paperwork.  I never go to the doctor, because I don't have insurance, but this was an absolute necessity. I didn't have a sniffle. I didn't have a migraine headache that could have been taken care of with some pain meds. I probably could have puked out my lower intestine onto your floor that night, but I didn't because you all were so "nice" and "compassionate" and you had a cross on your wall and everything. 

I've called you again this morning and left word for someone to call me back. If you don't, I will be there in live person on Friday afternoon. Just to give you a heads up, I will have been up since 6am, working in a cold, cement building, listening to 40 barking dogs and picking up their endless piles of shit. I will be tired, I will be hungry, I will look horrid,and I will have to perform that night. Not your problem, I know, but I'm not someone to be messed with when I am in such a state. All I want is some damned paperwork. I don't think I should have to pray for it, either. It should just be here. 

Sincerely, 
The Angry Bitch formerly known as Pukey Patty